How I Learn About Myself – 5 Habits of Self-Understanding

I used to hate myself and don’t feel very comfortable in my own skin. It is only upon knowing myself better that I learn to love myself despite my flaws and weaknesses. I’m learning to be kinder and more forgiving towards myself. And the wonderful benefit of this mindful self-compassion is that I feel less guilt and angst whenever things don’t turn out well.

I’m far from perfect and is still very much a work in progress. And in this article, I would like to share with you my 5 habits of getting to know myself better.

5 Habits of Self-Understanding

1. Try New Things

I’m naturally a very curious person who is interested in many things. And that helps me to cultivate a growth mindset. But everyone does have some social condition as a result of our cultural background and our past experiences, and I’m no exception.

Hence, I need to constantly remind myself to be open-minded about anything new that I’ve not encountered before. However, that doesn’t mean I will jump into any new venture without doing proper due diligence.

The way I handle any new encounters, be it a new idea, business venture, technique, strategy or activity, is not rejecting anything outright and take the effort to research and understand what it’s all about. I’ve learned not to jump to conclusion and have any preconceived ideas of any new opportunities without first finding out more. Even if I decided that it is not for me in the end, I’d have learned something new.

2. Take Notice

The practice of self-awareness is the most effective strategy that I’ve applied in my own journey of personal transformation.

Self-awareness is act of observing and analysing our behaviours, thoughts, and emotions in a clear and objective manner. The goal of self-awareness is to align our feelings, thoughts and action with our internal standards such as our values and ideals.
I’ve a habit of taking note of what triggers me to react in a certain way. I will reflect on my reason for reacting that way and if it’s justified or I’m making assumptions again. Once I knew about my triggers, I’ll learn coping mechanisms and techniques so that I can use them whenever I’m in a similar situation again.

There was once a patient who complained that I was taking too long with the patients ahead of him in queue. My immediate thought was that this patient was being unreasonable as it’s not my fault that the patients ahead of him needed more time for me to explain their medication to them. I was triggered as I felt that not only was I not recognised for doing my job well and was instead being criticised for it.

My immediately reaction is anger and being upset. However, I was able to keep my anger in check and explained in a very calm voice to him that some patient might take a bit more time in understanding their medications.

After that incident, I reflected on the feedback and my action, and what I could do to improve or do better.

3. Knowing What Motivates Us

What makes my day?

• When someone appreciate my effort and the value that I provide to them.
• When I learn new skills that I can use in my work or new techniques that help me get chores done in a more efficient manner.
• When I hear successful people share their stories and wisdom.

4. Define Our Values

We need to be very clear of our values, principle and boundaries. I’m a very introspective person even when I was a kid. I will reflect and question “why did this happen” and “why it has to be like that” And also like to play the “what if” mind game – ‘what if I do this”, “what if this happen”

Whenever, I go into this process of self-reflection, asking myself what I would do in this situation, it’ll inevitable make me ponder upon my values, principles and boundaries. This is how I refined and defined my internal standards. 

And these well-defined values and standards will make up the foundation upon which I make my all my decision.

I felt that being very clear about my boundaries and what I truly value in life, making decisions so much easier and provide clarity in my life. 

5. Define Our Goals

From short term objectives to life-long goals, we need to know clearly what we want to achieve in whatever we do.

Goal setting is not my strength but I soon realised that I work more effective and with more focus when I know very well what I want to achieve. This also creates less internal conflict and ambiguity.

For instance, I took part in a new business venture with the objective of learning a new trade and whether I make any money is not that important as I have other source income. And true enough, I didn’t make much money considering all the time and effort I spent in that business. However, I managed to learn what that business is about and expanded my network in the process. I came out of the venture with sense of satisfaction as I’ve achieved my goal.

Last but not least…

Learning and discovering about ourselves is a life-long process. And I hope to be a little better every day.